


you'll go down in history

by demibuckybarnes



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, because we deserve nice things and also it's christmas, blink and you miss it superbat, this is literally just self-indulgent self-inserts of me and my bff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21825814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demibuckybarnes/pseuds/demibuckybarnes
Summary: In which a Christmas miracle happens, all thanks to the pursuit of the perfect gift.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	you'll go down in history

**Author's Note:**

  * For [darknessandrageandkittens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darknessandrageandkittens/gifts).

> merry christmas champ!!! i love you lots and hope you enjoy your (early) christmas gift!

There’s a few seconds - maybe a minute - after the loud _CRASH_ wakes Allison up in which she clutches the katana Damian insists she keep by her bed and wonders just how willing she actually is to use it. A maiming seems a tad extreme for a burglar who’s probably just hard up; on the other hand - considering the company she keeps and her abysmal luck - she might be walking out to confront a fucking League Assassin.

Not that she actually thinks she can do anything against a League Assassin, katana or no, but she’d like to have at least _tried_, for dignity’s sake if nothing else.

Anyway, the point is that it’s a very panicky, adrenaline filled few seconds - probably a minute - before her brain registers that the noise definitely came from her guest room. All the anxiety floods out of her, leaving behind a weird mixture of relief, irritation, and worry.

She stumbles out of bed, carrying the still sheathed katana in case she’s proven wrong about who her late night visitor is, and makes the short trek between her room and the guest room.

Opening the door shows exactly who - if not what - she expected to see.

Champ is sprawled across the bed, upside down and slightly hanging off. They’re still fully dressed, and the sight of their dirty combat boots on the pillows makes her eyes twitch slightly before she forces herself to get her priorities in order. Champ is an expert at getting into her flat quietly - which is impressive, really, considering their staunch refusal to actually use the spare key Allison gave them. Which means that the loud racket upon their entrance probably isn’t a great sign.

“You good there, Champ?” The question is met with a grunt, but also a wide grin that looks only a little odd from the upside down angle. Allison can’t decide if it’s reassuring or not.

She walks further into the room, nudging Champ’s feet out of the way so she can sit at the head of the bed. She pointedly doesn’t look at the now grime caked pillows.

“You wanna be a little more articulate?” It’s a genuine question, but she can’t deny that she’s more than a little relieved when Champ nods before springing upright into a sitting position. The curiosity would’ve sucked, otherwise.

“I,” Champ begins, voice projected in a way that makes it clear this is going to be a _declaration_ and not just a statement, “Kicked Batman in the face tonight.”

“What?” She can barely get it out through her shocked giggles, but she knows Champ will understand. _God_, the mental image alone is -

She guffaws, loudly, and Champ is quick to join in with their own breathless chuckles.

“He was just - and I was - right, okay, from the beginning. So! I was trying to think of what to get dad for Christmas,” Allison reflexively makes a face, because Bane is beyond impossible to shop for - she’s taken to buying him gag gifts and hoping for the best, “And I got to thinking, _who’s the one person who hates Bruce more than I do?_ My dad, obviously!”

Allison rolls her eyes even as she grins. It’s been years and she’s still not sure how much of Champ and Bruce’s rivalry is genuine and how much is put on.

“So it stands to reason that if _I_ would like to see something hilariously unfortunate happen to Bruce, than dad would _love_ it, right?” Champ beams, completely self-assured in that leap of logic. Which, to be fair, is a pretty solid leap. 10/10, what a way to stick the landing.

“Thus began my crusade. Only, as I’m sure you know, Bruce is… _difficult_,” The word is said with absolute distaste, “To trick. He avoided every trap I tried, from the glitter bomb rigged to the Batmobile’s door to the hair dye in his shampoo to the glue on his office chair.”

That… puts a lot of things about the past month into context, actually. From Bruce’s random bouts of irritability - more so than usual, that is - to the week Clark was randomly rocking fuchsia hair. 

“_Champ_,” Allison pretends to scold, though her inability to keep a straight face probably ruins the effect. She remembers Dick showing up thirty minutes late to movie night with damp hair, a pout, and flecks of glitter dotting him in odd places and immediately stops trying to hide her amusement.

“But tonight! Oooh, tonight was _magical_! Tonight, I finally won!” Champ hops off the bed at this pronouncement, all but overflowing with their excitement. “Tonight, the stars aligned and the angels sang and Bruce Wayne got intimately acquainted with my boot!” 

“Well? Don’t keep me in anticipation!” Allison bounces a little in her seat, more than a little eager to hear this tale.

“Right, okay! I was following Bruce around on patrol tonight. He knew I was there, obviously, but I was still optimistic that I could find an opportunity to fuck with him.” Champ is pacing now, looking a bit like a professor mid-lecture, “And then Ivy broke out of Arkham cause it’s her and Harley’s anniversary tonight. 

So Bruce is doing that thing where he’s not _really_ trying to catch her - cause of course the creeper knows it’s their anniversary, too - but he’s putting on a good show of it. But then he got distracted by something on the comms, I don’t know what -”

“Jason said Tim, Steph and Dami had a huge blowout about who ate the last of Alfred’s peanut butter cookies tonight. Apparently Damian tackled Tim off a roof at one point.” Allison chimes in, because literally nothing can distract Bruce like his kids can and she’s willing to bet money on that being what caught his attention.

“Pfft, yeah, that was probably it. Anyway, Bruce took his eye off the ball for, like, one second, but that’s all it took for the whole choreography of his and Ivy’s playfight to get thrown off. One of her vines hit him in the shoulder, he spun with the momentum, and I spotted a _golden_ opportunity.”

Champ’s joy is infectious, not even counting how genuinely delightful the whole thing is, and it’s hard not to giggle the entire time - especially when Allison can see the punchline - kickline? - rapidly approaching.

“So I jumped up - I wasn’t even sure what I was going to do at that point, honestly - and booked it towards him. And then, running entirely on instinct, I launched at him and _kicked him in the face_.”

“Oh my _god_,” Allison buries her head in her hands, body shaking with the force of her laughter, but not before she sees the proud, ecstatic smile stretching its way across Champ’s face. Which, yeah. Damn right they should be proud of themself. _They kicked the goddamn Batman in the goddamned face_.

There’s a few minutes lost to helpless laughter before the proverbial lightbulb goes off in Allison’s head.

“Wait,” Champ’s smile, impossibly, grows as Allison looks up at them with wide eyes. “Wait, you said this was a _present_ for your dad. Does that mean -”

Apparently having been waiting for this moment, they bounce on the balls of their feet as they reach into their jacket pocket. With all the care one would expect of someone holding something infinitely precious, Champ pulls out a GoPro.

“_I got the whole thing on camera_.”

**Author's Note:**

> yes, the title is from rudolph the red nosed reindeer. yes, this is the most self-indulgent thing i've ever written. no, i don't expect anyone to read this apart from me and champ. no, i don't regret a thing.


End file.
